Heart Shaped Padlock

Some Memes

2007-06-30T23:13:00.000-04:00

Some memes, to prove I haven't forgotten you all!

1. How seriously have you considered a purchase of the new iPhone?
I haven't. I have an iPod, and I have a cell phone. I don't need it. I wouldn't mind having it one day though.
2. Have you ever camped out to purchase something?
No way. Nothing material is that important to me.
3. What is the most important piece of jewelry you have ever purchased?
Well, since I didn't purchase my engagement and wedding rings, I'm going to have to go with my mommy/wife ring. It's white gold with my husband and son's birthstones.

4. Take the quiz: What gem stone are you?
Couldn't get the quiz to work...
5. What is your birthstone?
Diamond
6. Are you more likely to own an article of jewelry with the quiz result, your birthstone, or neither?
N/A

1. While in a forest, you see a cabin ahead, you ________?: Take a picture of it.
2. In the cabin you find a large chest, you?: Check to see whether it's locked.
3. Suddenly you hear a noise coming from the outside, you________?: Go to a window and look out.
4. The adventure over, you leave the cabin and________?: Continue my hike.

All's well :)

2007-06-30T19:16:00.000-04:00

So sorry for the lack of entries! I figure you're not here to read about vanilla stuff, and we really haven't had many kinky experiences lately. We've been in our new house for a month now, and we've not gotten back into the rules and routines of M/s yet. Hoping to get back to it soon, but we've got a lot on our plates at the moment, and it's just really not top priority at the moment. Things are starting to settle down a bit, so hopefully I'll have some interesting posts in a few weeks - we're about to have my niece and youngest nephew visiting for a couple of weeks, so I'm sure it won't be until after that.

We've had two nights of "kinkiness" since we moved in. I'll tell you, what really stands out in my mind, is that he masturbated on me for the first time ever. Ultimate feeling of just being completely used. I loved it. :)

The Rooftop

2007-05-28T14:27:00.000-04:00

We're in the new house now, but we're nowhere near unpacked. I've been told I have until He gets off work Friday to get this place under control. Which, I suppose means to get everything that wasn't in storage at the old place unpacked. Eek. And yet, here I am. I've yet to unpack anything today, and have to go to the old apartment and get it cleaned up this afternoon, and cook dinner... As of Friday afternoon, all rules go back into effect. I'm getting some slack right now, since everything's so crazy.

Last night we sat on the porch after the kiddo was in bed and had a drink together. We actually live in a duplex now. There are cement walls and a storage building seperating us from the neighbors, and then the yard isn't seperated, but we each only use half of it... As we sat there, Sir looked up at the storage building, with it's flat roof, and announced that we will be having sex there.

...

Myriad of emotions, and I sputtered several times last night that even the thought of it breaks the sane part of safe, sane and consensual, and that it's not particularly safe either. I'm scared of heights, and it's about 10 feet off the ground. I am by no means an exhibitionist... Overall, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I am to the point in my submission that I'll be able to do it. I've gone back and forth all day, from thinking I can do it to thinking I'll have a panic attack... I sort of think that if we're going to do it I want to do it and get it over with. But then I'm still terrified. I mean, out in the open, on top of a roof?! Terrified. I don't know. I don't know if I can. I said over and over last night that I can't... But I feel that if he tells me too... I will. The whole idea makes me really uncomfortable. And I'm scared I'll be a blubbering idiot the whole time.

The floors in this new place are all hard, unyielding. There's no carpet anywhere. Which is great, with the kiddo and the dogs, but it's not going to work well for my comfort. No carpet in the closets, no carpet on the floors when I kneel. I'm not so sure about all this. But I really do like the new place overall.

I suppose I'd better go though. I should at least get a couple of boxes unpacked before I have to cook dinner and go clean at the old place. I'm hoping I'll have more to write about this weekend! I know it's only Monday, but maybe I'll have something interesting to say to make it worth your while. ;)

I don't remember where I got this from, so if you made it, let me know!

Teddy Bears aren't just for kids anymore.

2007-05-25T02:48:00.001-04:00

Padme Amidala shared in her recent post that she has a love of teddy bears and shared a graphic befitting us kinksters. Now, anyone who has a Spencer's Gifts in their local mall or has ever been inside of one, has probably seen the Bad Taste Bears, but I just had to share a few of my favorites for anyone who may not have heard of them yet!

Buffy here is my personal favorite, along with Jock, as I'm a huge fan of bondage in general.

Miss is obviously perfect for anyone who loves to take the cane...
Naughty Nurse fantasies, anyone? (She's simply called "Nursie".)
Now, Roger's friend is included. ;-)

And Willy bears all...pardon the pun.

Also, for your pleasure, (thanks for this one too, Padme!) a quiz.

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

not much to tell

2007-05-22T16:33:00.000-04:00

I can't seem to make the comment option show up on my last post... I'm not sure what happened, but if you had hoped to reply to it, you can do so here (assuming the comments work on this one...). Apologies for any inconvenience!

We're in the process of moving into a new house and have less than a week to finish packing, so both Sir and I have been extremely stressed. That, combined with a visit from Aunt Flo late last week, neither of us has had the time or the energy for much play. We move in on Friday and I've been promised that my rules will be enforced more strictly once we're a bit settled, so I expect to have lots to tell very soon!

So stay tuned!

BDSM affecting pain management

2007-05-18T09:40:00.000-04:00

So, I got a new tattoo last night (not my submissive tattoo - Sir has yet to decide on a design - but a tattoo I've been wanting that Sir approved and got me as a late Mother's Day gift), and after I got home I began to think about how BDSM has affected my pain management. Okay, so maybe not the "S" part. Haha, I'm not a Sadist, and getting off on inflicting pain on others isn't exactly going to help someone deal with the pain of a tattoo. At least, I don't see how. But BD-M helps. haha. Bondage - I was sitting straddling a chair for roughly 4.5 hours, with 3 breaks of no more than 10 minutes each. Whenever my thighs started to ache, or my back from leaning forward, or my neck from having it too far forward, I would think about bondage positions I've been in, and how that position wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as others. As for Discipline and Masochism, having those elements in my private life has brought me to a point where I can more easily go into that floaty slave space others talk about. It still takes a while and some pretty intense pain for me to get there - I definitely don't have any sort of control over it yet. But I can get there, and that's enough for me! They've also brought me to a point that I've learned to control my breathing, and to keep from crying out. I've always had a high level of pain tolerance (regarding tattoos at least), but being more active in BD-M as of late has made it even better. Everyone who spent more than 20 or 30 minutes in the shop commented on how still I was. The artist was surprised that we managed to finish the whole thing in one night. About two hours in I hit my floaty space (this was the point where outlines and black shading were done, and we started coloring and colored shading, so my skin already felt raw and sore, and he was going back over some spots). From there, I was fine up until about the last 15 minutes. One of the guys was talking to me, and I found myself feeling like his words were going over my head and I was having to reel them back in and think about them before I could respond. I know my reactions to everything he said were delayed, even if only by a few seconds. But the pain was so much less difficult to handle... I don't know how to explain it. I guess most of you will understand. lol. Anyway, I stayed in my floaty space until about the last fifteen minutes. From there, I couldn't seem to hold onto anymore. I knew we were almost done, and the last two guys that were hanging around were swarming me and talking about how awesome it was and how great my skin takes to color (definitely one of the only great things about being very pale - my ink colors stand out so great that I make even the artists jealous) and they were making me anxious to see it. An end to that position and the pain in my back, and the thought of finally seeing this tattoo finished, was enough bring me out of my space, and I wish it hadn't. Those last fifteen minutes made my jaws ache from having my teeth clenched so tight and turned my knuckles white from holding onto the chair. But man was it ever great to be done with it! And I felt so proud for making it all the way through in one night.

I'm sure you want to see the tat now. ;-) If you're ever going to be in Jacksonville, FL and want to get a great tattoo, email me and I'll tell you how to find my artist. Sadly, he's out in the middle of nowhere, and his place doesn't look that great from the outside. So he doesn't get a lot of business and is struggling to keep the doors open. But it's all great once you get inside, and the guys are really entertaining. lol.

Sweet Sides, Unsuccessfully Hidden

2007-05-14T12:39:00.000-04:00

First, I hit 1,000 visitors after my last post! I was soooo proud! Sir laughed at me.

Sir has taken to calling me his slave goddess. I told him I was a domestic goddess, because I started off my Mother's Day (just past midnight Saturday night) plunging the toilet in lingerie. He changed it to slave goddess, and is considering using the Chinese symbols for slave and goddess as my tattoo. Don't know yet though...

Okay, on to the real topic of conversation. Raise your hand if your Dom/Domme has a soft side that they unsuccessfully try to hide? *Raises hand* I'm always noticing little things that Sir does. We went to the beach for our wedding anniversary and there were tons of jellyfish washed up. We were walking along at night and I realized that he was walking between me and most of the jellyfish, and shining his flashlight on any that were on my side. He was protecting me. :) Little things like that pop up, all the time. Night before last, after I had been beaten and fucked, I brought up the subject of being called names that I mentioned in my last post. He's such a sweetie at heart (remember, I'm the most kinky one, the one that asked him to be my Master) that the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. Last night, Sir was fingering me.
"Who's my slut?"
"I am, Sir!"
"Louder!"
"I AM, SIR!"

A few minutes later, "Do you want me to fuck you?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Then tell me you're my bitch."
"I'm your bitch, Sir."
"You can do better than that."
"I'M YOUR BITCH, SIR!"
"Better. Now be a good slut and put me inside of you."

I'll use my southern drawl now to say: Gawd, that was hot. And later, it struck me that it's just one of the sweet little things he does for me. It does not come natural to him to hurt me, to call me names, to disrespect me in any way. But he does it all now, just because I asked (of course, he's coming to like it too, and while he hurts me because I want it, he doesn't shy away from implements I don't like if he likes them, etc. It's not all about me, after all).

What about your Dom/Domme?

Another long post about a wonderful night

2007-05-12T18:50:00.000-04:00

Two huge glasses of red wine and one sexy Master makes for a very floaty slave. Oh yes. Last night I drank one glass of wine, and then Sir headed toward the restroom. I met him on his way out, wobbling in my heels (I was dressed in his favorite black dress, a thong, black heels, and black leather wrist and ankle cuffs), and kissed him. He backed me against the wall in the hallway and pulled, pinched and twisted my nipples as he kissed me hard. Then I said something about how another glass of wine and a spanking could make for an interesting night, since I was already feeling very buzzed and floaty. He gave me a little smirk as he pushed me onto my knees. Obediently, reading his body language, I unzipped his jeans and freed him from his boxers and sucked him off for a while - until he took my arms and pulled me up. He pushed me back against the wall again, pulled my dress up, pushed my thong aside, and fingered me for a few minutes. I was breathless and didn't even really know what he was going to do when he spun me around until I was facing the wall. I remember pressing my palms and cheeks against the wall and thinking how cool it was in comparison. When he lifted my skirt, I wasn't sure whether he was going to spank me or take me from behind. He opted for the former, landing a few hard smacks with his hand against my bottom. Then he pulled my dress down and told me to get myself another glass of wine.

It was only later that I realized the patio door had been wide open, with our spot in the hallway fully visible from the back yard we share with several other apartments. *Blushes*

But, he wasn't done with me yet. Another huge glass of wine later, I tottered into the bedroom. He was digging through our toy trunk. He made me lay on my stomach and he gagged me and chain my wrists to the headboard. Then he had me get on my elbows and knees. He took several licks with his heavy leather belt. I moaned through the gag, sighing with naive relief when he stopped. He slid his hands underneath my breasts and brought me up until I was on hands and knees, my breasts hanging toward the bed. He pinched and pulled at my nipples a bit before he picked up the clothespins and clamped one onto each nipple. I moaned - my poor nipples don't get so much as one night off from being pinched and pulled and twisted and clamped, so they're almost always tender - and he went back to the trunk. A few hits with the makeshift whip, a few with a bamboo spoon, and he finally stopped. He had me roll onto my back - the clothespins hit the mattress as I rolled, causing me to groan. "Which hand do you masturbate with?" he asked. I raised my right hand and waited as he removed the chain from my right wrist and connected it back to the headboard, leaving my right arm free. I pulled the gag out of my mouth, as I choke on drool if I'm flat on my back while wearing it. It hung around my neck. "Pleasure yourself." I did, barely any hesitation, even though it I've had a hard time making myself cum lately. He climbed over me kissing my body, pulling at the clothespins, pressing his chest to mine so they dug hard into my breasts. "Make yourself cum. I want you to make yourself cum. If I don't feel your juices I'm going to roll you over and beat you." I moaned, afraid it was impossible. My fingers moved furiously, my arm aching. He pulled one clothespin off, bit my nipple hard enough to make me cry out, and then moved to put the clothespin back on. "No, please!" I gasped out, before I even realized what I was doing. He paused. "What did you say?" "Please, please, please Sir, no!" He shrugged. "Okay." He pulled the other clothespin off and bit that nipple equally hard, as I realized that my fingers had never stopped moving. He clipped the clothespins to my cunt lips, then thrust his fingers inside of me, in and out, in and out, hard and fast. I was on the verge of cumming, when he stopped, and just that quickly I couldn't cum. "How does it feel to know I got you that close and I'm making you do it yourself?" he asked me. "It's exhilirating and terrifying that you've taken so much control over me." I breathed out. He smiled, that wicked smile that all Masters seem to take classes to learn. "Stop." he said, in that deep, no-nonsense voice. My fingers stopped moving at once, I pulled them away from my pussy and laid my hand on my thigh. He thrust his cock into me and pumped, growling into my ear. "I gave you your chance. Now you won't cum until you beg for it." I moaned, already nearly bursting. He pounded into me over and over again until I was begging. "Oh please, Sir, please." "No." "Please..." "No." My words became more desperate as the seconds ticked away, the intensity building. His one simple "No" stayed just the same. Tough, no-nonsense, Master voice. Finally, "Cum." And I did. Then, I was left chained to the bed, with the laptop and porn, forbidden to masturbate but allowed to watch, as he rolled over and went to sleep. A while later, once I had calmed down a bit, I put the laptop by the bed and slept, chained to the headboard.

And as I typed that, I realized that the only thing that could have made last night any more perfect in my eyes, is to have been called names. Why is it that I long to hear certain things?

"Roll over, bitch."
"No, cunt."
"Cum, slut."

I can imagine the words rolling off of his tongue, how they would sound. Just the thought is enough to send chills down my spine. Objectification, I suppose. But it doesn't matter. Sir always tells me not to question what makes me happy. I suppose I can live with that, so long as what makes me happy doesn't hurt anyone else and isn't illegal.

P.S. He took my collar off this morning, as the rash was getting worse. It looks as if it's going to be retired. I don't know when I'll be collared again. I've found the permanent collar I want cheaper - $70, instead of $90, but it's still not in the foreseeable future. He is hoping to get the design for my tattoo finished and have me tattooed at the first of June, though. I'm excited about that. Nervous too, as I'm very particular about my tattoos.

My Last Few Days

2007-05-11T16:47:00.000-04:00

Several things to write about today. :-) Let's see, first thing. I've been allowed to register at The Slave Register. My number is 491-190-645. I think I might ask Sir if he'll get me a bar code dog tag. I might be able to find a way to attach it to my collar. If I keep this collar... I'm upset, because I have a rash running along my neck just where it lays. It may be from the rope harness the other night, the neck of which laid in the same spot... Either way, it's irritated, just a small area. But if it doesn't go away soon, Sir is going to make me take off the collar for a bit to let it go away. Then we'll put it back on, and if the rash comes back I'll have to get rid of it. I want a Mark III collar anyway, and I'm sure this one will be replaced with that eventually, but I don't see us being able to spend $90 on a collar any time too soon.

My rules went into effect at 12:01am this morning. I'm nervous about forgetting things. I'm sure he'll cut me a little slack in the beginning, but I don't know when I'll be expected to remember everything faultlessly, and therefore punished with no mercy for messing up. So that makes me nervous, not knowing how long I have to get used to it.

Let's see, I mentioned the rope harness. I had been linked to an image detailing how to tie yourself into a rope harness. We finally remembered to buy rope, as we didn't have a long enough length of it. Of course, we also finally remembered to buy clothespins, something I regretted after just one night. Here are the harness instructions - if you click here, you can see it full size. It's really rather easy, and gets quite a response from Sir when he's surprised by me tieing myself into it. He loves to tug at the ropes and make me moan. It's very sexy. I'd definitely suggest trying it if you get a chance.

So yes, the other night, I tied myself into that lovely harness and went into the living room, wearing a halter dress over it so that some of the ropes were visible. He was playing the Playstation 2, and glanced at me with a little smirk occasionally. When we went to bed, first, I had to ride Him girl on top for a while, and then I had to suck Him off while kneeling in front of Him on the floor as He sat on the end of the bed. (Sir may read this and correct me later, my accounts of that night and the night before are getting a little bit confused here...) When He finally put me in the bed, He left my hands untied, but tied the short spreader bar between my knees and the long one between my ankles, anchoring that to the legs of the bedframe underneath. He clipped six of those terrible clothespins onto my cunt lips (which wasn't as bad as expected, but they're hell on already tender nipples).

(Please, ignore the terrible photoshopping. I had to hide some identifying items next to the bed. lol)

Once I was tied down, He rubbed ice on my ass and dripped wax on it. I have a really low tolerance for heat, and for now, He acknowledges that and uses ice first. I'm very thankful for that. Then, He had the bright idea to take some of the rope and fold it over a few times to use as a whip, since we don't have one. It's nylon cord, I'm not sure of the thickness, but it wasn't any fun. lol. I was blindfolded and didn't have a clue what He was whipping me with. Every once in a while He would stop whipping me long enough to rub some more ice on my ass and drip a bit more wax. He whipped me to the point that I was nearly eating a pillow to keep from screaming, then, when I was on the brink of tears, He made me count out 10 licks. I could barely choke out the words, but I finally managed it. During all that whipping, the ropes had gotten caught on the clothespins twice. Really badly once, He had to untangle them, and the second time they barely caught, but He took the clothespins off so that it wouldn't happen again.

Finally, He fingered me for a while. I was afraid I would cum without permission, so I begged for it prematurely, and then I never could cum. For once, I didn't care though. When He finished, the redness and welts were already disappearing. "Sorry dear, I want fresh pictures." He said. I sighed when I realized what He meant, but kept still. He took another 20 licks or so with the ropes, reddening my entire ass, and then snapped a few pictures before untieing me and allowing me to rest.

I took off the harness and was given permission to masturbate, but I still couldn't manage to cum.

And that's what's happened in the last few days. :-)

Half Nekkid Thursday #1

2007-05-10T13:50:00.000-04:00

It's my first time participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, so I'm not entirely sure I've got the whole idea just right. But here's my pic anyway. Yup, these are my legs, my tattooed foot, my son's octopus. Haha. I think you can tell a lot about someone from a photo like this. I love to relax in the tub - hence the kicked back and relaxed posture. But, I never get to really relax, since my son always likes to play at the edge of the tub - hence the octopus. Then, of course, there is the face wash, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream. And my book, The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse. Which, by the way, is the only book I have ever been unable to struggle through to the end. I had to give it up 120 pages in. I just didn't like it. I moved on to Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, which I loved, and now I'm re-reading The Diary of Anne Frank. Anyway, here's my HNT contribution. Look for a post tomorrow about our naughty night last night!

List of Rules

2007-05-09T17:57:00.000-04:00

I was presented with a list of rules today. I knew it was coming, but wasn't sure when Sir would finish it. He still hasn't decided when it will go into effect. Soon, I'm sure.

- You will be out of bed everyday BEFORE 9 a.m. on days I am not home.
- I hold the right to pick your clothes before the day has started or to demand a change of clothes at any point during the day.
- Cuffs will be put on once our son is in bed and removed before he is up - please note, this is merely for you to know I have the right to take you at any time.
- You will ask permission to sleep in bed every night, as it is a privilege, not a right.
- A thong will be worn at all times it is appropriate.
- Every Sunday night, I will be informed of the amount of weight you have lost, I will round that to the nearest whole number and and you will be given that many chances to opt out of a chore during the week (i.e. 2lbs = 2 things you may ask not do that week). I have the right to veto any request, at any time, and reading to our son and working out are non-negotiable unless I see fit.
- During your menstrual cycle all rules still stand, but I will be more lenient - simply ask and I will let you know about the circumstance in a timely manner.
- During your menstrual cycle I will be pleasured at least once, should it go over 3 days I will be pleasured again and so on untill your it is over.
- You will ask for permission before masturbation.
- I will be referred to as Master, Sir, or any other pet name in private - this is not nessacary in public but I will still be given the respect I demand.
- Every Monday you will have a written letter detailing things you have read or thought would be arousing for us. Please note, this is not a list of things that will be done but simply your input for me to pick and choose from to ensure my slave is satisfied.
- Until we move the closet is designated as time out. You can be sent there for any amount of time for any reason I see fit. While in time out you are allowed to masturbate, but not to orgasm unless I say differently.
- If at any point I am gone and I call or text ahead to announce my arrival you are to be waiting however it is I've instructed.
- At any time I am allowed to tell you I am going to bed early and wish to be awoken at a time that allows for sex and cleanup before my day begins. It is up to you to arrange this. Please note, you have the right to ask for this privilege but it is not guaranteed.
- These rules will be reviewed at the 1st and 15th of every month. Any changes, additions or deletions will be done by me. Your input will be reviewed, but I have final say.
- At least 3 times a week after our is asleep, not only will you wear cuffs, but you will wear a sexy outfit. At least once a week this will include high heels. Please note, weeks run from Monday to Sunday.
- Spanking and other punishments should not always be looked upon as a bad thing. Sometimes they are done for mine, or even your pleasure, or just as a reminder to you that I have total control.
-Be aware, as Master, I can invoke rules that are not on the list and likewise you can be punished for things that are not on the list but are unbecoming of a slave.

This whole list makes my face flush. It also makes me slightly nervous. It's a lot to remember, when up to now I've only had to finish my to-do list every day and not masturbate without permission. I guess we're about to see how it goes. :)

Hear My Name - Armand Van Helden

2007-05-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

Feel free to share it on your blog too. ;-) You can get the code here.

Music Video:HEAR MY NAME (by Armand Van Helden)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Our toys. Yours?

2007-05-05T02:12:00.000-04:00

We keep our toys in a lockable trunk in our bedroom. When our income taxes came in back in February, we dropped $350 on new toys and lingerie. Of course, our reasoning was that our 5th wedding anniversary was coming up. A gift to each other. :) Our purchases were:

Locking, buckling wrist and ankle cuffs, collar, and ball gag, leather leash, spreader bars (12" and 30"), and bell nipple clamps from JTs Stockroom.

An anal trainer kit from extreme restraints.

Some lingerie from Frederick's.

Shortly after those purchases, when I was away visiting family, I found a set of bamboo tools at Target to add to the chest. It was a three piece set - this was the closest I could find to resemble it. Only the one on the left and the two on the right though. I promise, they are vicious!

We also have plenty of lingerie, a jack rabbit vibrator, a belt, a yard stick, rope, chain, lubes, massage oils, and a ton of little black and gold master padlocks as well. My wish list for the moment includes anal beads, the OhMiBod iPod vibrator (I got an iPod for my birthday), a wireless vibrating egg, a wireless butterfly vibrator, alligator nipple clamps, clover clamps, and a kinklab hog tie. Sir's wish list includes any paddles, whips and floggers he can get his hands on. ;-)

What are some of your favorite toys? What's on your wish list?

Phrases that make your knees go weak?

2007-05-03T17:37:00.000-04:00

So, what are some phrases that make your knees go weak? Your heart melt? Sir (that's what he's decided I'll call him, at least for the time being) is just starting to get some noticeable "catch-phrases." I guess that's what they are. lol. Just things that he says on a somewhat regular basis. There's not all that many yet, but one that gets me every time is "good girl." He was spanking me last night and I broke position. He stopped for a minute, gave me a little time to collect myself, and then I heard him walk away. I didn't know what he was doing, since I was blindfolded, but I took the moments that he wasn't touching me - and I thought he wasn't looking at me - to pull myself back into position. But I heard his voice from across the room. It was low and quiet. "Good girl." My ass stung from the wooden yard stick, and just moments before I had been thinking that I didn't know how much more I could take. I smiled. I smiled and settled myself back into position, drool covering the sides of my mouth from my gag, my wrists tied together to the headboard, my knees and ankles tied apart by spreader bars, bandana tied tight around my eyes. I knew the next lick was coming, I knew the spanking was far from over. I knew I was going to be swollen and sore and raw for days when all was said and done. But with those two words I was content and peaceful and ready to get on with it.

There aren't really any phrases that make my knees go weak yet. But there are a few things that do. The sight of him carrying any implement, but especially his belt, and the sound of his belt snapping, or whooshing out of his belt loops. The way he looks at me when he's getting ready to bring me into the bedroom... Those are all things that make me go weak in the knees, send a chill down my spine.

What about you? What are some phrases or actions that have an effect on you?

P.S. I just got my 200th visitor! Woot!

First View of Me

2007-05-02T02:43:00.000-04:00

Well, of my butt at least. ;-) This was taken after 63 licks, from bamboo spoon, paddle, belt. Some were for my birthday and some were for a punishment spanking. This photo shows the result.

Gerhardt's Photography on deviantART

2007-05-01T21:55:00.000-04:00

I always look forward to Gerhardt's new works when I check into deviantART. They're always breathtaking.

Trapped in the Closet

2007-04-30T19:47:00.000-04:00

According to Wikipedia:

"'Trapped in the Closet' is a hip-hop opera released by R&B singer R. Kelly in the late summer and fall of 2005. The songs relate an ongoing narrative, which Kelly exploited by sending chapters to radio stations one at a time to generate interest. It has no chorus and is told in a conversational manner, using dramatics and cliffhangers between the episodes."

That series of songs is what popped into my mind earlier today when thinking back on last night. I slept in the closet. He said it was a "trial run" to see how I handled it. There was no lock on the doorknob, and my wrists cuffs weren't locked on. One was locked to a chain hanging down from the bar across the closet, but it wasn't locked onto my wrist. So I knew that if I got truly desperate, I could get out. He made me wear lingerie [this little number, in blueberry, if you must know ;)], and gave me permission to masturbate if I couldn't sleep and needed to pass the time ("tonight and only tonight," he said). He also blindfolded me and let me wear my iPod, so I couldn't see or hear if he was checking on me. That made masturbating kind of interesting... I never knew if he might be standing by, quietly watching me. Once I was settled in, he kissed me and left, closing the door after him. After that, I spent what seemed like ages trying to sleep, switching between trying to sleep, masturbating, and just tossing and turning. It could have been an hour, it could have been four. I lost all sense of time. I wasn't too bothered by being in there... I'm not claustrophobic, and our closet is pretty large anyway. He let me out when he went to work, and I had been dozing off and on for a while at least. I locked the door after him and crawled into a real bed, and slept soundly.

I think the whole thing would have had a bigger effect on me if I really were locked in. As it was, it was more a matter of I wouldn't get out, than I couldn't get out. I knew I could go out and take whatever punish would be given, if I felt desperate and couldn't get him to wake up. So I think it would effect me more if I was really locked in, unable to leave. And I think it would even more of an effect beyond that if it was used for a punishment. Being locked in and ignored.

But, as it was, I came out of there quiet. I didn't speak as I sat and waited for him to finish dressing and eating breakfast. I wasn't even really thinking. I felt kind of dazed. Maybe it was that floaty subspace that others talk about? It was definitely kind of a floaty feeling, lol. Hard to explain though...

Anyway, we had a couple of hours to ourselves on Saturday, and had fun... But I think I'm going to keep that memory to myself. A bamboo spatula got broken, I'll tell you that. ;-) And then last night I slept in the closet, and that was pretty much the extent to our weekend. Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

The Erotic Bakery

2007-04-29T05:56:00.000-04:00

A while back a friend shared an incredible bakery with me. It's out of Seattle, Washington, though they do ship some items. The cost of their appetizing baked goods is hefty though, and once you add shipping, it's even worse. I can only hope that I'll end up living in or near Seattle one day. So, if you're ever in Seattle, check out The Erotic Bakery. But in the meantime, imagine, if you will, the excuses you could use to buy some of their yummies.

A plate of cookies for a bachelorette party.

A groom's cake for a less traditional wedding.

A birthday cake for a naughty girl.

Or a naughty boy!

Only speak when spoken to...

2007-04-27T14:13:00.000-04:00

I was talkative when we went to bed last night. Saying a whole lot of nothing, if that makes sense to you. I had been talking for about 10 or 15 minutes when he rolled over and said, "I'll tell you what. You lay right there, and speak when spoken too." I nodded, too stunned to argue, or even to agree out loud. We are, after all, amatuers at this, and he was in essence telling me to shut up - something he'd never done before. Then he leaned over me and began to kiss me - my lips, my neck, my chest. And he bit and pulled at and pinched my nipples as he fingered me. When he bit my neck, I was about to come when he spoke. "Don't." Another first - the first time he'd ever told me not to orgasm. He slowed down, ran his free hand all over my body, and then stopped altogether and just stayed there, perfectly still, giving me a chance to control myself. I knew he was watching me, even though I had my eyes squinted shut, biting my lip, my hands fisted in the sheet, concentrating on not coming. Then, his voice in my ear, "Pleasure yourself." I rubbed my fingers against my clit, slowly. "Faster." I obeyed. A few minutes later, I was again ready to come. "Stop. Pleasure me." Again, I obeyed. My hand on his cock, rubbing, faster and faster. "Now, yourself again." Fingers on my clit, tiny circles, fast, hard as he fingered me. "Do. Not. Come." My fingers, now barely moving. He hadn't said I could quit, but I was sure I wouldn't be able to stop myself from coming if I rubbed any harder. His fingers though, unrelenting, moving in and out of me, fast and hard. My eyes squinted shut again, fighting against the wave of pleasure coursing through my body, holding it back. "Please..." My voice sounded hoarse. "Please let me come. Please. Please." I could hear the desperation in my own voice. "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Pleeeease..." "NO. Roll over." I rolled onto my stomach, and he spanked my ass, hard with his bare hand, 8, 9, 10 times, as I fought not to come. "I told you only to speak when spoken to." When he was done, I rolled back over and bit my lip hard, using the pain as a reminder not to speak. He entered me slowly and I groaned, squeezing any muscles I could in a desperate attempt not to come. He rode me harder, and I pleaded to him with my eyes, still biting my lip, squeezing my stomach muscles tight, holding back as well as I could. He stopped, and just stayed perfectly still inside of me when he saw how desperate I was. I was grateful for the moments that he gave me to get control of myself. And then he pulled out and plunged inside of me again, over and over, harder, faster. Finally, when I thought there was no way I could stop it any more, he stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers and said "Now." I must have come five or six times in a row as he rode me - I lost count. I committed his smug look to memory when I finally opened my eyes. We came together the last time, and then he rolled off of me onto his back on the bed. I rolled to him and snuggled against his side, my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. And I fell into a deep, quiet sleep.

Saw this...

2007-04-25T03:59:00.000-04:00

Saw this in a few places and wanted to try it out. :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Peppermint

2007-04-23T16:09:00.000-04:00

I’m the kinkier one. My husband, in an effort to see me happy, will do just about anything I ask. I told him I want to be his slave, so he’s trying his hardest to be a master. He does really well in most aspects. Until I cry. When I cry, he softens. I love it. I love knowing that he doesn’t want to truly hurt me. But it’s really going to have an effect on this whole Master/Slave relationship thing.

We’ve never used a safe word. Last night, he asked me to give him a word. He wanted a safe word, because I cried while I took my punishment spanking. He can’t stand to hurt me more than I can take, but he can’t tell where that fine line of what I can take and what’s too much is anymore. I relish in the tears, and he knows that, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Is it strange that I don’t feel safer with the safe word? I know I won’t use it, especially during a punishment spanking. I push myself too hard in a lot of aspects in life, and taking the pain he gives me is one of them. I know that in the moment, I’ll question myself. I’ll be thinking “If this were really more than I could take, I’d pass out from the pain. But I’m not, so I can take it.” I know the way I work. If a safe word will make him feel better, good. But now, deep in the back of my mind, I’m worried that he’s going to be ruthless. It’s going to be more than it’s ever been before, because he can feel comfortable that I'll say "Peppermint..." if it's too much. But I'm pretty sure I never will...

I had worked up to 32 licks. I thought I was at 31, so he increased it to 33 when I gave him the wrong. 33 licks. The belt, the bamboo spoons. It was more than 33 though, because the way he had me bound, I was having to sit on my knees with my feet under my butt. He kept catching my heels with the belt, so only half of the belt would hit. But it still hurt. BAD. Haha. But, he wouldn’t let them count, so I wound up with extras. About the fifth time he did that, I got frustrated. The tears came to my eyes, and I told him that I wished he would stop that. “Oh you do, do you?” Uh-oh. I explained that it still hurt and I felt like I was being punished with more than the licks I had racked up because I kept having to take 1 ½. So he let my comment slide, and put the belt away in favor of the spoons. Boy do they hurt, but at least he wasn’t missing with them. I was already teared up from belt problem when he let out five or ten hits with one of the spoons in rapid succession. I was supposed to be counting, backward at that, and I couldn’t keep up. I let out a sob and the tears started streaming as I looked over my shoulder at him and exclaimed that I couldn’t keep up. Anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t have caught the look in eyes, the way the softened. The way his shoulders slumped. But I did. I knew he was having a hard time with this, feeling like he was hurting me. I straightened my back, stopped the tears, and nodded slightly. I took the rest of my licks as bravely as I could. I feel bad that he has those moments of “Is this more than she wanted?” I feel like it’s my fault. But am I not supposed to be giving that up? The guilt, the thinking anything is my fault? He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t want too, even if I did start this. But it still bothers me to know he has those moments of uncertainty.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch, after I assured him I was okay. I felt beautiful as I smiled at him with tears streaming down my face…

Feeling Submissive

2007-04-22T11:26:00.000-04:00

Though we’ve been working on an M/S relationship for several weeks, yesterday afternoon and last night are the first times I’ve felt submissive right down to the core. I think the collar is having a definite effect on my submission. Feeling it heavy around my neck at all times is certainly a reminder of what I am now.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband was getting ready to go into work and as he stood up I reached out and playfully smacked his ass. He looked at me for a moment, and I immediately recoiled into my spot on the bed, pulling the blanket to my chin and studying the pattern on it carefully. “I know you did not just do that.” I looked up at him, trying to make my eyes pleading. He stood and headed toward the closet. “I’ll take care of that later.” Then he turned on his heel and headed back across the room. “No. I’ll take care of that now.” And he opened the toy trunk and started digging for implements. I had to use the bathroom desperately, but had been waiting so I could lie on the bed next to him for a while. “Can I go to the bathroom first?” I asked him. “You have about 30 seconds.” he said, as he closed the trunk empty-handed and glanced around the room. I stood quickly and rushed to the bathroom, anxious the whole time. When I returned to the bedroom, he was standing at the end of the bed, holding the thick, stiff leather belt. As I walked up to him, still wearing nothing but a pair of panties since we had been curled up in bed, he watched me. I searched his face, looking for some sign that he would go easy on me. But, not finding it, I didn’t speak, just kissed him lightly on the lips before bending over the end of the bed. I felt his hand gently brushing the small of my back, ready to push me down in case I stood to argue. I didn’t. It was the first time I didn’t argue a spanking at all, even playfully. He ran his fingers across my back, and then informed me that I would count. He had never made me count before. I nodded, clenching the blanket in my fists, waiting. Thwap! “One.” “LOUDER.” Thwap! “Two!” And so it continued. Seven barely connected, he had lost his grip on the belt. “That didn’t count.” he said, after I’d counted it, as he readjusted the belt in his hands. For some reason, his comment didn’t quite reach my brain. Thwap! “Eight!” between gasps. “I said that one didn’t count.” came his low grumble. “Seven! Seven. Seven.” Thwap! “Eight!” Ten licks, not counting the one that barely connected. Then he was done. He dropped his belt on the bed and I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. For a moment, he was just my husband again, not trying to be my master, as he asked if I was okay. I nodded my head and smiled up at him, almost shyly, still trying to catch my breath. And then he was my master again, kissing me roughly, pushing me down hard onto the bed on my back, pulling my panties off and plunging his fingers deep inside of me, harder, harder. My back was arched slightly, the muscles in my stomach clenched, my long hair all over the place, as he leaned across me, fingers still working inside of me, and kissed me hard. And then he was across me on the bed, entering me. Too soon, he stood and began to dress for work, leaving me curled on the bed, blanket pulled to my chest, as I watched him. Then he was gone, off to work, with only promises of something to come after he got home.

Later, when he got home, we crawled into bed. We cuddled for a while, and then he propped himself up on the pillows. I laid between his legs to give him oral pleasure. I loved the feeling of his hands tangled in my hair, putting slight pressure on my head whenever I tried to pull away to gulp air. After a few minutes he pulled my head up by my hair. When I was far enough off the bed, he released my hair and grabbed my breasts tight, pulling me by them until I was up on my knees in front of him. He squeezed them and then released and pushed his fingers inside of me. I struggled to keep my balance, but soon he was positioning himself under me, pushing himself inside of me. I began to pump my hips. I leaned closer to him, but he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it back, forcing me to sit up. Then he reached up with his other hand and grabbed my collar, pulling it forward and my hair back, forcing me to move only my hips. Soon he let go of my hair and the front of my collar and wrapped the chain around his hand in the back, successfully pulling my head back and keeping it up at the same time. As the chain cut into my airway I could do nothing but focus on moving my hips and taking short, shallow breaths. Soon he let go of the collar completely, settling that hand on the back of my neck to keep my head in position, and closed his other hand over my throat, cutting my air supply off again after just a few gulps of air. A few minutes later he changed position again, pulling the collar down my back, holding it tight with his fingers and pushing against my back with the heel of his hand. This time he held it longer, cutting off my air until I could barely concentrate on breathing in what little air I could get. I started to get dizzy and when he let go of the collar I gulped in air, ending the dizziness. He reached around and grabbed my nipples, pinching them tight between his fingers and pulling them toward him. I gasped and moaned, leaning into his grasp, trying to alleviate the pain, but he pinched tighter, warning me not to slide off of him. He pinched, pulled and twisted my nipples until I screamed out and pulled my breasts away, dropping against his chest, my face buried in his neck, with a few sobs before I got control of myself. Then I carefully positioned myself back on him, sat up, pushed my hair out of my face, and began to pump my hips again. He studied my face, and I could tell he was judging whether I was alright. “I’m fine, I’m okay.” I assured him. He nodded slightly, and then reached up and cupped my breasts in his hands, squeezing them tightly, pulling me toward him by them. “Accept the pain.” he whispered. I nodded and continued to pump against him, biting my lip. He released my breasts and I gasped as the blood flowed freely through them again. He pinched my nipples again, not quite as hard as before. He pulled them to him and bit one, hard, and then the other, as he came inside of me. When he released my nipples and closed his eyes, I collapsed beside him, curled into his side, my head on his chest, smiling contentedly.

I had accepted the pain. Worse pain than he had ever given me before. That afternoon, I had accepted a spanking without so much as a word to try and convince him not to give it. And I had accepted whatever pleasure he wished to give me, and given him the pleasure he wanted from me. For the first time, I felt like I am truly on my way to submission.

But there are still miles to go.

The Beginning

2007-04-21T15:56:00.000-04:00

I’ve been wanting to start a blog about my life with my husband, as we enter into a more dominant/submissive relationship. I hesitate to call us master and slave yet, as I know there is much to be achieved in our lifestyle before we reach that point in my mind, but I want to document the journey. Now is as good a time as any to begin. As much as I’ve wanted to start this blog, I’ve been procrastinating about it, since introductions have always been my weakness in writing. I never know how to begin. So I suppose I’ll begin by just telling you about us.

He is, for now, to be called my husband. I asked him for a title, such as Sir or Master, to call him by. He told me that would come with time, but he’s yet to decide what he wants to be called, so it will be a little while yet. So he is my husband. We have been married for five years, dating for a year prior to our marriage.

I’ve been into bondage for as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl, I would imagine being kidnapped, and I would tie my Barbie dolls up. When I was a teen, there were rape fantasies, mixed with the occasional kidnapping and repeated raping. After my husband and I started having sex, I started to try and let him on my kinks without shocking him too much. The first step was handing him a bandana and asking him to blindfold me. Another time, I asked him to pin my hands above my head. Eventually, I asked him to use a length of ribbon I had in my room to tie my wrists together. After a while, he was using rope to tie me down, blindfolding and gagging me. I was completely in my element. There was no spanking, in the beginning. Then, occasionally, a smack on the ass during sex. At some point, he purchased a thin wooden birthday paddle from Spencer’s Gifts, and began to use that on occasion.

We’ve come a long way now. We have a trunk filled on one side with lingerie. The other half has a rabbit vibrator, a pair of leather locking wrist cuffs with matching ankle cuffs and collar, two metal spreader bars, two homemade wooden spreader bars, a set of bamboo “tools” as the package called them (cooking utensils, a spoon, a spoon with holes in it - the term escapes me, and a spatula with holes in it, all made of heavy bamboo), several lengths of rope and chain, lots of small Master padlocks, a set of anal plugs in three sizes, a pair of tweezer-style nipple clamps with bells on the end, and a variety of lubes and massage oils, plus other odds and ends that I’m sure I’m forgetting. There are also three belts of varying intensity, which don’t reside in the trunk - the heaviest of which, its leather still stiff since it’s only a month old and has rarely been used, I took 10 licks from as I leaned over the end of the bed before he left for work today.

It’s only been three or four weeks since I told my husband I’d like to pursue a master/slave relationship. Some noticeable changes have taken place. The counting, for one. He counts infractions - whatever he chooses to count as one, which can change from day to day, though I generally know what will be counted - as licks. The infraction determines the number of licks, and he keeps a mental note of how many licks I’m at from one punishment session to the next. I never know which implement will be used for punishments. Though he’s talked of buying a punishment paddle, he hasn’t yet. My to-do list is another change. I’m a horrible procrastinator when it comes to cleaning, and I’m also not very good at taking care of myself in certain aspects. I rarely eat breakfast, never drink milk or water, and always forget my vitamins. So along with cleaning that needs to be done, those things are on my to-do list every day. I get licks added to my punishment for anything that isn’t finished at the end of the day. I have to print out the lists for the following week on Saturday nights, so he can look them over and make sure I’m not slacking off or working too hard. Another visible change is the collar around my neck. It’s eventually going to be used only when we’re visiting family and friends, to avoid questions, and I’ll have a Turian style collar for home. But for now I wear a thick shiny silver chain, connected in the front by a beautiful silver heart-shaped padlock.

There is more to say, but this is getting quite long enough, so I believe I’ll end here for now. There will be more later, I’m sure. While I do hope that this blog becomes somewhat well-known in the BDSM circles, I don’t really expect it to. We are just beginning after all, and I’m definitely an amateur when it comes to this lifestyle. I don’t really expect to have much remarkable to say, though I do hope to surprise myself as time goes on. Despite all that, if you wish to read as my journey goes on, please do. I’d be thrilled to have readers and comments as I mull over my thoughts and feelings.

-HeartShapedPadlock

P.S. For anyone who might be interested, the picture is my collar, and here is where we purchased it.