The Rooftop

We're in the new house now, but we're nowhere near unpacked. I've been told I have until He gets off work Friday to get this place under control. Which, I suppose means to get everything that wasn't in storage at the old place unpacked. Eek. And yet, here I am. I've yet to unpack anything today, and have to go to the old apartment and get it cleaned up this afternoon, and cook dinner... As of Friday afternoon, all rules go back into effect. I'm getting some slack right now, since everything's so crazy.

Last night we sat on the porch after the kiddo was in bed and had a drink together. We actually live in a duplex now. There are cement walls and a storage building seperating us from the neighbors, and then the yard isn't seperated, but we each only use half of it... As we sat there, Sir looked up at the storage building, with it's flat roof, and announced that we will be having sex there.

...

Myriad of emotions, and I sputtered several times last night that even the thought of it breaks the sane part of safe, sane and consensual, and that it's not particularly safe either. I'm scared of heights, and it's about 10 feet off the ground. I am by no means an exhibitionist... Overall, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I am to the point in my submission that I'll be able to do it. I've gone back and forth all day, from thinking I can do it to thinking I'll have a panic attack... I sort of think that if we're going to do it I want to do it and get it over with. But then I'm still terrified. I mean, out in the open, on top of a roof?! Terrified. I don't know. I don't know if I can. I said over and over last night that I can't... But I feel that if he tells me too... I will. The whole idea makes me really uncomfortable. And I'm scared I'll be a blubbering idiot the whole time.

The floors in this new place are all hard, unyielding. There's no carpet anywhere. Which is great, with the kiddo and the dogs, but it's not going to work well for my comfort. No carpet in the closets, no carpet on the floors when I kneel. I'm not so sure about all this. But I really do like the new place overall.

I suppose I'd better go though. I should at least get a couple of boxes unpacked before I have to cook dinner and go clean at the old place. I'm hoping I'll have more to write about this weekend! I know it's only Monday, but maybe I'll have something interesting to say to make it worth your while. ;)

I don't remember where I got this from, so if you made it, let me know!

Teddy Bears aren't just for kids anymore.

Padme Amidala shared in her recent post that she has a love of teddy bears and shared a graphic befitting us kinksters. Now, anyone who has a Spencer's Gifts in their local mall or has ever been inside of one, has probably seen the Bad Taste Bears, but I just had to share a few of my favorites for anyone who may not have heard of them yet!

Buffy here is my personal favorite, along with Jock, as I'm a huge fan of bondage in general.

Miss is obviously perfect for anyone who loves to take the cane...
Naughty Nurse fantasies, anyone? (She's simply called "Nursie".)
Now, Roger's friend is included. ;-)

And Willy bears all...pardon the pun.

Also, for your pleasure, (thanks for this one too, Padme!) a quiz.

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

not much to tell

I can't seem to make the comment option show up on my last post... I'm not sure what happened, but if you had hoped to reply to it, you can do so here (assuming the comments work on this one...). Apologies for any inconvenience!

We're in the process of moving into a new house and have less than a week to finish packing, so both Sir and I have been extremely stressed. That, combined with a visit from Aunt Flo late last week, neither of us has had the time or the energy for much play. We move in on Friday and I've been promised that my rules will be enforced more strictly once we're a bit settled, so I expect to have lots to tell very soon!

So stay tuned!

BDSM affecting pain management

So, I got a new tattoo last night (not my submissive tattoo - Sir has yet to decide on a design - but a tattoo I've been wanting that Sir approved and got me as a late Mother's Day gift), and after I got home I began to think about how BDSM has affected my pain management. Okay, so maybe not the "S" part. Haha, I'm not a Sadist, and getting off on inflicting pain on others isn't exactly going to help someone deal with the pain of a tattoo. At least, I don't see how. But BD-M helps. haha. Bondage - I was sitting straddling a chair for roughly 4.5 hours, with 3 breaks of no more than 10 minutes each. Whenever my thighs started to ache, or my back from leaning forward, or my neck from having it too far forward, I would think about bondage positions I've been in, and how that position wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as others. As for Discipline and Masochism, having those elements in my private life has brought me to a point where I can more easily go into that floaty slave space others talk about. It still takes a while and some pretty intense pain for me to get there - I definitely don't have any sort of control over it yet. But I can get there, and that's enough for me! They've also brought me to a point that I've learned to control my breathing, and to keep from crying out. I've always had a high level of pain tolerance (regarding tattoos at least), but being more active in BD-M as of late has made it even better. Everyone who spent more than 20 or 30 minutes in the shop commented on how still I was. The artist was surprised that we managed to finish the whole thing in one night. About two hours in I hit my floaty space (this was the point where outlines and black shading were done, and we started coloring and colored shading, so my skin already felt raw and sore, and he was going back over some spots). From there, I was fine up until about the last 15 minutes. One of the guys was talking to me, and I found myself feeling like his words were going over my head and I was having to reel them back in and think about them before I could respond. I know my reactions to everything he said were delayed, even if only by a few seconds. But the pain was so much less difficult to handle... I don't know how to explain it. I guess most of you will understand. lol. Anyway, I stayed in my floaty space until about the last fifteen minutes. From there, I couldn't seem to hold onto anymore. I knew we were almost done, and the last two guys that were hanging around were swarming me and talking about how awesome it was and how great my skin takes to color (definitely one of the only great things about being very pale - my ink colors stand out so great that I make even the artists jealous) and they were making me anxious to see it. An end to that position and the pain in my back, and the thought of finally seeing this tattoo finished, was enough bring me out of my space, and I wish it hadn't. Those last fifteen minutes made my jaws ache from having my teeth clenched so tight and turned my knuckles white from holding onto the chair. But man was it ever great to be done with it! And I felt so proud for making it all the way through in one night.

I'm sure you want to see the tat now. ;-) If you're ever going to be in Jacksonville, FL and want to get a great tattoo, email me and I'll tell you how to find my artist. Sadly, he's out in the middle of nowhere, and his place doesn't look that great from the outside. So he doesn't get a lot of business and is struggling to keep the doors open. But it's all great once you get inside, and the guys are really entertaining. lol.

Sweet Sides, Unsuccessfully Hidden

First, I hit 1,000 visitors after my last post! I was soooo proud! Sir laughed at me.

Sir has taken to calling me his slave goddess. I told him I was a domestic goddess, because I started off my Mother's Day (just past midnight Saturday night) plunging the toilet in lingerie. He changed it to slave goddess, and is considering using the Chinese symbols for slave and goddess as my tattoo. Don't know yet though...

Okay, on to the real topic of conversation. Raise your hand if your Dom/Domme has a soft side that they unsuccessfully try to hide? *Raises hand* I'm always noticing little things that Sir does. We went to the beach for our wedding anniversary and there were tons of jellyfish washed up. We were walking along at night and I realized that he was walking between me and most of the jellyfish, and shining his flashlight on any that were on my side. He was protecting me. :) Little things like that pop up, all the time. Night before last, after I had been beaten and fucked, I brought up the subject of being called names that I mentioned in my last post. He's such a sweetie at heart (remember, I'm the most kinky one, the one that asked him to be my Master) that the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. Last night, Sir was fingering me.
"Who's my slut?"
"I am, Sir!"
"Louder!"
"I AM, SIR!"

A few minutes later, "Do you want me to fuck you?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Then tell me you're my bitch."
"I'm your bitch, Sir."
"You can do better than that."
"I'M YOUR BITCH, SIR!"
"Better. Now be a good slut and put me inside of you."

I'll use my southern drawl now to say: Gawd, that was hot. And later, it struck me that it's just one of the sweet little things he does for me. It does not come natural to him to hurt me, to call me names, to disrespect me in any way. But he does it all now, just because I asked (of course, he's coming to like it too, and while he hurts me because I want it, he doesn't shy away from implements I don't like if he likes them, etc. It's not all about me, after all).

What about your Dom/Domme?

Another long post about a wonderful night

Two huge glasses of red wine and one sexy Master makes for a very floaty slave. Oh yes. Last night I drank one glass of wine, and then Sir headed toward the restroom. I met him on his way out, wobbling in my heels (I was dressed in his favorite black dress, a thong, black heels, and black leather wrist and ankle cuffs), and kissed him. He backed me against the wall in the hallway and pulled, pinched and twisted my nipples as he kissed me hard. Then I said something about how another glass of wine and a spanking could make for an interesting night, since I was already feeling very buzzed and floaty. He gave me a little smirk as he pushed me onto my knees. Obediently, reading his body language, I unzipped his jeans and freed him from his boxers and sucked him off for a while - until he took my arms and pulled me up. He pushed me back against the wall again, pulled my dress up, pushed my thong aside, and fingered me for a few minutes. I was breathless and didn't even really know what he was going to do when he spun me around until I was facing the wall. I remember pressing my palms and cheeks against the wall and thinking how cool it was in comparison. When he lifted my skirt, I wasn't sure whether he was going to spank me or take me from behind. He opted for the former, landing a few hard smacks with his hand against my bottom. Then he pulled my dress down and told me to get myself another glass of wine.

It was only later that I realized the patio door had been wide open, with our spot in the hallway fully visible from the back yard we share with several other apartments. *Blushes*

But, he wasn't done with me yet. Another huge glass of wine later, I tottered into the bedroom. He was digging through our toy trunk. He made me lay on my stomach and he gagged me and chain my wrists to the headboard. Then he had me get on my elbows and knees. He took several licks with his heavy leather belt. I moaned through the gag, sighing with naive relief when he stopped. He slid his hands underneath my breasts and brought me up until I was on hands and knees, my breasts hanging toward the bed. He pinched and pulled at my nipples a bit before he picked up the clothespins and clamped one onto each nipple. I moaned - my poor nipples don't get so much as one night off from being pinched and pulled and twisted and clamped, so they're almost always tender - and he went back to the trunk. A few hits with the makeshift whip, a few with a bamboo spoon, and he finally stopped. He had me roll onto my back - the clothespins hit the mattress as I rolled, causing me to groan. "Which hand do you masturbate with?" he asked. I raised my right hand and waited as he removed the chain from my right wrist and connected it back to the headboard, leaving my right arm free. I pulled the gag out of my mouth, as I choke on drool if I'm flat on my back while wearing it. It hung around my neck. "Pleasure yourself." I did, barely any hesitation, even though it I've had a hard time making myself cum lately. He climbed over me kissing my body, pulling at the clothespins, pressing his chest to mine so they dug hard into my breasts. "Make yourself cum. I want you to make yourself cum. If I don't feel your juices I'm going to roll you over and beat you." I moaned, afraid it was impossible. My fingers moved furiously, my arm aching. He pulled one clothespin off, bit my nipple hard enough to make me cry out, and then moved to put the clothespin back on. "No, please!" I gasped out, before I even realized what I was doing. He paused. "What did you say?" "Please, please, please Sir, no!" He shrugged. "Okay." He pulled the other clothespin off and bit that nipple equally hard, as I realized that my fingers had never stopped moving. He clipped the clothespins to my cunt lips, then thrust his fingers inside of me, in and out, in and out, hard and fast. I was on the verge of cumming, when he stopped, and just that quickly I couldn't cum. "How does it feel to know I got you that close and I'm making you do it yourself?" he asked me. "It's exhilirating and terrifying that you've taken so much control over me." I breathed out. He smiled, that wicked smile that all Masters seem to take classes to learn. "Stop." he said, in that deep, no-nonsense voice. My fingers stopped moving at once, I pulled them away from my pussy and laid my hand on my thigh. He thrust his cock into me and pumped, growling into my ear. "I gave you your chance. Now you won't cum until you beg for it." I moaned, already nearly bursting. He pounded into me over and over again until I was begging. "Oh please, Sir, please." "No." "Please..." "No." My words became more desperate as the seconds ticked away, the intensity building. His one simple "No" stayed just the same. Tough, no-nonsense, Master voice. Finally, "Cum." And I did. Then, I was left chained to the bed, with the laptop and porn, forbidden to masturbate but allowed to watch, as he rolled over and went to sleep. A while later, once I had calmed down a bit, I put the laptop by the bed and slept, chained to the headboard.

And as I typed that, I realized that the only thing that could have made last night any more perfect in my eyes, is to have been called names. Why is it that I long to hear certain things?

"Roll over, bitch."
"No, cunt."
"Cum, slut."

I can imagine the words rolling off of his tongue, how they would sound. Just the thought is enough to send chills down my spine. Objectification, I suppose. But it doesn't matter. Sir always tells me not to question what makes me happy. I suppose I can live with that, so long as what makes me happy doesn't hurt anyone else and isn't illegal.

P.S. He took my collar off this morning, as the rash was getting worse. It looks as if it's going to be retired. I don't know when I'll be collared again. I've found the permanent collar I want cheaper - $70, instead of $90, but it's still not in the foreseeable future. He is hoping to get the design for my tattoo finished and have me tattooed at the first of June, though. I'm excited about that. Nervous too, as I'm very particular about my tattoos.

My Last Few Days

Several things to write about today. :-) Let's see, first thing. I've been allowed to register at The Slave Register. My number is 491-190-645. I think I might ask Sir if he'll get me a bar code dog tag. I might be able to find a way to attach it to my collar. If I keep this collar... I'm upset, because I have a rash running along my neck just where it lays. It may be from the rope harness the other night, the neck of which laid in the same spot... Either way, it's irritated, just a small area. But if it doesn't go away soon, Sir is going to make me take off the collar for a bit to let it go away. Then we'll put it back on, and if the rash comes back I'll have to get rid of it. I want a Mark III collar anyway, and I'm sure this one will be replaced with that eventually, but I don't see us being able to spend $90 on a collar any time too soon.

My rules went into effect at 12:01am this morning. I'm nervous about forgetting things. I'm sure he'll cut me a little slack in the beginning, but I don't know when I'll be expected to remember everything faultlessly, and therefore punished with no mercy for messing up. So that makes me nervous, not knowing how long I have to get used to it.

Let's see, I mentioned the rope harness. I had been linked to an image detailing how to tie yourself into a rope harness. We finally remembered to buy rope, as we didn't have a long enough length of it. Of course, we also finally remembered to buy clothespins, something I regretted after just one night. Here are the harness instructions - if you click here, you can see it full size. It's really rather easy, and gets quite a response from Sir when he's surprised by me tieing myself into it. He loves to tug at the ropes and make me moan. It's very sexy. I'd definitely suggest trying it if you get a chance.

So yes, the other night, I tied myself into that lovely harness and went into the living room, wearing a halter dress over it so that some of the ropes were visible. He was playing the Playstation 2, and glanced at me with a little smirk occasionally. When we went to bed, first, I had to ride Him girl on top for a while, and then I had to suck Him off while kneeling in front of Him on the floor as He sat on the end of the bed. (Sir may read this and correct me later, my accounts of that night and the night before are getting a little bit confused here...) When He finally put me in the bed, He left my hands untied, but tied the short spreader bar between my knees and the long one between my ankles, anchoring that to the legs of the bedframe underneath. He clipped six of those terrible clothespins onto my cunt lips (which wasn't as bad as expected, but they're hell on already tender nipples).

(Please, ignore the terrible photoshopping. I had to hide some identifying items next to the bed. lol)

Once I was tied down, He rubbed ice on my ass and dripped wax on it. I have a really low tolerance for heat, and for now, He acknowledges that and uses ice first. I'm very thankful for that. Then, He had the bright idea to take some of the rope and fold it over a few times to use as a whip, since we don't have one. It's nylon cord, I'm not sure of the thickness, but it wasn't any fun. lol. I was blindfolded and didn't have a clue what He was whipping me with. Every once in a while He would stop whipping me long enough to rub some more ice on my ass and drip a bit more wax. He whipped me to the point that I was nearly eating a pillow to keep from screaming, then, when I was on the brink of tears, He made me count out 10 licks. I could barely choke out the words, but I finally managed it. During all that whipping, the ropes had gotten caught on the clothespins twice. Really badly once, He had to untangle them, and the second time they barely caught, but He took the clothespins off so that it wouldn't happen again.

Finally, He fingered me for a while. I was afraid I would cum without permission, so I begged for it prematurely, and then I never could cum. For once, I didn't care though. When He finished, the redness and welts were already disappearing. "Sorry dear, I want fresh pictures." He said. I sighed when I realized what He meant, but kept still. He took another 20 licks or so with the ropes, reddening my entire ass, and then snapped a few pictures before untieing me and allowing me to rest.

I took off the harness and was given permission to masturbate, but I still couldn't manage to cum.

And that's what's happened in the last few days. :-)

Half Nekkid Thursday #1

It's my first time participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, so I'm not entirely sure I've got the whole idea just right. But here's my pic anyway. Yup, these are my legs, my tattooed foot, my son's octopus. Haha. I think you can tell a lot about someone from a photo like this. I love to relax in the tub - hence the kicked back and relaxed posture. But, I never get to really relax, since my son always likes to play at the edge of the tub - hence the octopus. Then, of course, there is the face wash, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream. And my book, The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse. Which, by the way, is the only book I have ever been unable to struggle through to the end. I had to give it up 120 pages in. I just didn't like it. I moved on to Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, which I loved, and now I'm re-reading The Diary of Anne Frank. Anyway, here's my HNT contribution. Look for a post tomorrow about our naughty night last night!

List of Rules

I was presented with a list of rules today. I knew it was coming, but wasn't sure when Sir would finish it. He still hasn't decided when it will go into effect. Soon, I'm sure.

- You will be out of bed everyday BEFORE 9 a.m. on days I am not home.
- I hold the right to pick your clothes before the day has started or to demand a change of clothes at any point during the day.
- Cuffs will be put on once our son is in bed and removed before he is up - please note, this is merely for you to know I have the right to take you at any time.
- You will ask permission to sleep in bed every night, as it is a privilege, not a right.
- A thong will be worn at all times it is appropriate.
- Every Sunday night, I will be informed of the amount of weight you have lost, I will round that to the nearest whole number and and you will be given that many chances to opt out of a chore during the week (i.e. 2lbs = 2 things you may ask not do that week). I have the right to veto any request, at any time, and reading to our son and working out are non-negotiable unless I see fit.
- During your menstrual cycle all rules still stand, but I will be more lenient - simply ask and I will let you know about the circumstance in a timely manner.
- During your menstrual cycle I will be pleasured at least once, should it go over 3 days I will be pleasured again and so on untill your it is over.
- You will ask for permission before masturbation.
- I will be referred to as Master, Sir, or any other pet name in private - this is not nessacary in public but I will still be given the respect I demand.
- Every Monday you will have a written letter detailing things you have read or thought would be arousing for us. Please note, this is not a list of things that will be done but simply your input for me to pick and choose from to ensure my slave is satisfied.
- Until we move the closet is designated as time out. You can be sent there for any amount of time for any reason I see fit. While in time out you are allowed to masturbate, but not to orgasm unless I say differently.
- If at any point I am gone and I call or text ahead to announce my arrival you are to be waiting however it is I've instructed.
- At any time I am allowed to tell you I am going to bed early and wish to be awoken at a time that allows for sex and cleanup before my day begins. It is up to you to arrange this. Please note, you have the right to ask for this privilege but it is not guaranteed.
- These rules will be reviewed at the 1st and 15th of every month. Any changes, additions or deletions will be done by me. Your input will be reviewed, but I have final say.
- At least 3 times a week after our is asleep, not only will you wear cuffs, but you will wear a sexy outfit. At least once a week this will include high heels. Please note, weeks run from Monday to Sunday.
- Spanking and other punishments should not always be looked upon as a bad thing. Sometimes they are done for mine, or even your pleasure, or just as a reminder to you that I have total control.
-Be aware, as Master, I can invoke rules that are not on the list and likewise you can be punished for things that are not on the list but are unbecoming of a slave.

This whole list makes my face flush. It also makes me slightly nervous. It's a lot to remember, when up to now I've only had to finish my to-do list every day and not masturbate without permission. I guess we're about to see how it goes. :)

Hear My Name - Armand Van Helden

Feel free to share it on your blog too. ;-) You can get the code here.

Music Video:HEAR MY NAME (by Armand Van Helden)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Our toys. Yours?

We keep our toys in a lockable trunk in our bedroom. When our income taxes came in back in February, we dropped $350 on new toys and lingerie. Of course, our reasoning was that our 5th wedding anniversary was coming up. A gift to each other. :) Our purchases were:

Locking, buckling wrist and ankle cuffs, collar, and ball gag, leather leash, spreader bars (12" and 30"), and bell nipple clamps from JTs Stockroom.

An anal trainer kit from extreme restraints.

Some lingerie from Frederick's.

Shortly after those purchases, when I was away visiting family, I found a set of bamboo tools at Target to add to the chest. It was a three piece set - this was the closest I could find to resemble it. Only the one on the left and the two on the right though. I promise, they are vicious!

We also have plenty of lingerie, a jack rabbit vibrator, a belt, a yard stick, rope, chain, lubes, massage oils, and a ton of little black and gold master padlocks as well. My wish list for the moment includes anal beads, the OhMiBod iPod vibrator (I got an iPod for my birthday), a wireless vibrating egg, a wireless butterfly vibrator, alligator nipple clamps, clover clamps, and a kinklab hog tie. Sir's wish list includes any paddles, whips and floggers he can get his hands on. ;-)

What are some of your favorite toys? What's on your wish list?

Phrases that make your knees go weak?

So, what are some phrases that make your knees go weak? Your heart melt? Sir (that's what he's decided I'll call him, at least for the time being) is just starting to get some noticeable "catch-phrases." I guess that's what they are. lol. Just things that he says on a somewhat regular basis. There's not all that many yet, but one that gets me every time is "good girl." He was spanking me last night and I broke position. He stopped for a minute, gave me a little time to collect myself, and then I heard him walk away. I didn't know what he was doing, since I was blindfolded, but I took the moments that he wasn't touching me - and I thought he wasn't looking at me - to pull myself back into position. But I heard his voice from across the room. It was low and quiet. "Good girl." My ass stung from the wooden yard stick, and just moments before I had been thinking that I didn't know how much more I could take. I smiled. I smiled and settled myself back into position, drool covering the sides of my mouth from my gag, my wrists tied together to the headboard, my knees and ankles tied apart by spreader bars, bandana tied tight around my eyes. I knew the next lick was coming, I knew the spanking was far from over. I knew I was going to be swollen and sore and raw for days when all was said and done. But with those two words I was content and peaceful and ready to get on with it.

There aren't really any phrases that make my knees go weak yet. But there are a few things that do. The sight of him carrying any implement, but especially his belt, and the sound of his belt snapping, or whooshing out of his belt loops. The way he looks at me when he's getting ready to bring me into the bedroom... Those are all things that make me go weak in the knees, send a chill down my spine.

What about you? What are some phrases or actions that have an effect on you?

P.S. I just got my 200th visitor! Woot!

First View of Me

Well, of my butt at least. ;-) This was taken after 63 licks, from bamboo spoon, paddle, belt. Some were for my birthday and some were for a punishment spanking. This photo shows the result.

Gerhardt's Photography on deviantART

I always look forward to Gerhardt's new works when I check into deviantART. They're always breathtaking.